Anonymous asked: How old r u?
I’m old. I’m 20. ew.
I’m old. I’m 20. ew.
Thank you that’s very encouraging. :)
So at the moment I have no one I can really talk to about this: my life. I am making some of the biggest decisions right here and now and they should all stem from my desires, my beliefs, yet I want guidance. I think it’s okay to seek guidance. I am not all-knowing and there are others out there who were once in my position and have made decisions they have consequently learned from. It would be arrogant to think I was different. However, here I am venting all alone to no one.
Here I am at Cornell, one of the largest research institutions in the world and I everyone around me is telling me “Get involved in research!” As if it is the obvious next step. I’m uncertain. I’m uncertain what kind of research I would want to do, if I even WANT to do research. I know I’m interested in ecology as it relates to the environment and current environmental issues, especially concerning sustainability and biodiversity. However, that is still unreasonably broad. I’ve come so far to narrow it down this much, and yet I’m asked to narrow it down even further. The task seems impossible. The only sort of reassuring thing is having older professors, who have already gone through the process of receiving their pHDs, tell me they still don’t know what they’re doing. At the same time I’d like to hope that feeling eventually fades. But at our core we are constantly changing, in flux, impermanent.
If I go into research that’s just one step. Then there is the decision of if I want to go to graduate school. In other words, do I want to dedicate another half a decade to independent research. Or in OTHER words do I want to push myself to the point of extreme stress for another 5-6 or more years and possibly go insane in the process. Of course, that’s just one way of looking at it. Would I regret not doing it? Would I regret doing it? It’s hard to say. I’m at such a crossroads right now that I’m instead choosing nothing. But that is still a choice and it will eventually lead to consequences. Possibly unfortunate ones, but consequences all the time. Inaction is action. So even if I’m scared, maybe it would be to my benefit to throw myself into something and just see how it goes.
Fuck the media with their cellulite phobia.
I used to be convinced by their airbrushed photos, popping off the page like eye candy.
Now I know, it’s just a lie.
I work out an hour a day. I do yoga, I can run for an hour straight or more, yet I still have cellulite.
It’s natural. I’m okay with it now.
20 years of my life dedicated to school.
What the FUCK am I doing with my life?
Stars collide in rhythmic procession, shuffling toward an inevitable destination that they themselves choose not to be aware of. Too frightened by the prospect of their mortality they live their lives in denial. Where they hide is dull and empty, senseless, consuming. If they were to accept the threatening truth that their lives are finite, maybe their pulse would begin to beat again. Maybe they’d be revived.
Yes I do
Thank you, I really appreciate that it means a lot to me. You’re probably drawn to me because we are similar, so what you see in me is most likely also in you. You’re very kind.
I just feel like I have nothing left.